Thoughts on becoming a goat

Wise words from a fellow blogger and close friend. Please give her blog a view and a follow as she begins her writing journey in this wonderful blogging community of ours.

Thanks everyone xo

Whiskar Wilde

via Daily Prompt: Precipice

I’ve always approached challenges as if they are “succeed” or “fail”–no middle ground, no grey area, no shades of interpretation or even phases of development. There’s always “where I am now”, and “where I want to be”. And the difference between the two is a steep precipice that I can only overcome by flying.

The problem is, people can’t fly. For some reason I’ve have to learn this over and over, envisioning the end result and hurling myself off the cliff in the hopes that I’ll figure out how to become airborne. Usually I get somewhere close to where I was headed, but banged up, bruised and generally disillusioned about the whole affair.

Over the last few months I’ve had no choice but to learn how to be patient, and see each small daily (or weekly) development as slow, steady progress toward a goal that will…

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It Takes Two

via Daily Prompt: Collaboration

It takes two to make a relationship work. If you are the only person working to save it and move it forward then it is not a relationship. I have been in relationships where I was doing all the work – and of course they did not work out. I’ve also had friendships where I was the only one reaching out – that gets exhausting as well.

Collaboration, compromise, understanding, acceptance, respect, communication – all necessary ingredients. Sounds like a tall order, doesn’t it? It shouldn’t be and if it does not come naturally, then cut your losses and move on. Surround yourself with people who want to be part of your life. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way, but I’ve learned it and realize that my time is valuable and should be treated as such. It’s not a selfish statement, it is clarity.

#dailyprompt

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This complex life

via Daily Prompt: Hospitality

I wasn’t sure what to write today so I referred to my trusty notepad of my favorite quotes on my phone and felt the need to share this one. The stops along your life are not always filled with hospitality, sometimes the environment surrounding you is cruel, hurtful and downright painful but it is your story. Own it and be proud of who you are, scars and all. I dedicate today’s blog to all those bloggers and writers out there who bravely share their stories.

Your story isn’t calm.
The road has been chaotic at times,
Filed with detours, and rains,
and loss so sudden, and soon.
Sometimes the bliss was so elevated
Your heart could hardly hold it.
Sometimes it was maddening to have,
And then to lose it. You learn soon enough
that it is hardly ever goes as planned–
gently, easy and smooth.
But that my friend,
is what makes it fascinating
You have something to tell.
Something you walked through.
Something valid.
Something courageous,
Something true.
You’re made of stories
Within stories, even
more stories. Those
quiet depths of you.

_Victoria Erickson

#dailyprompt

Posted in bloggers, blogging, blogosphere, breakups, communication, dailyprompt, forgiveness, friendship, goals, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

And that’s a wrap, or is it?

via Daily Prompt: Final

It’s hard to say goodbye, at least for me. I try my hardest to save a relationship, even if deep down I know that it is better for me to move on. I am currently in this situation and have been struggling writing about it and dealing with it in my life. It is new territory for me.

I had someone reenter my life whom I never expected would. We had hit it off late last summer but our personal circumstances were not good. We were both in a pretty shitty place, not with each other, but with our own lives. It ended before it had a chance to thrive. Our timing was off, way off. It was hard when it ended because our ending was confusing. Plus we got along famously, there was no big fight, or animosity. I always wondered what if?

Six months later we started talking again. I was seeing someone when we did start communicating again, so I tread very carefully. The guy I was seeing is a great guy but he has been through a lot and time and distance have not been on our side. The guy who came back into my life has come back full force. We are extremely compatible and as busy as his life is and mine, we make time and we are enjoying that time together. I have never laughed so much in my life with anyone. I said that when I wrote about him in the past and that has not changed. We are mentally and physically attracted to each other, always were. We picked up again as if we never closed our first, brief chapter, just this time our story is better, much better.

Saying goodbye to the other guy is something I still need to do. We haven’t seen each other in weeks but we still talk, although our conversations are now few and far between, sort of perfunctory. He still wants to give us a chance but needs time to sort some things out. But I no longer want to wait. I have done all I can do to keep us going but I want someone who is present and physically there. I never expected that my new/old guy would be the one by my side. Sounds confusing? It is, was, but clarity has set in and I know what I want and need to do, say goodbye to one. The time has just not been right to do so and I am not one to do it by text or phone (cowardly), but phone may be my only choice. It breaks my heart because I thought we had potential too. Two great guys at the same time – never would I have ever thought I would have this dilemma. But the relationship I am in right now with new/old guy is real and it is good and he is who I want. Also, we agreed that we will not be seeing other people because we want to see where this goes.

Goodbyes are not always final and sometimes they are. For me what I thought was a goodbye last summer, turned out to be just a temporary hiatus. More of a hey, I’ll see ya later. But it will most likely be a permanent goodbye with the other guy. And as happy as I am in my new/old relationship, it still hurts, but I know in my heart it is what I need to do.

#dailyprompt

Posted in breakups, commitment, communication, dailyprompt, dating, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Temporarily out of order

via Daily Prompt: Temporary

Heartbreak is only temporary. It doesn’t always seem that way when you are in the throes of it. But as someone who has experienced some very painful breakups I can say with all certainty, it will pass.

Every single time I have had my heart broken I wonder how will I ever love again? How on earth can I even imagine being with someone else? I was speaking with a close friend the other day, she is going through it right now. She wonders how she will ever be comfortable and love anyone else again. I know my words of advice might give temporary comfort to her, but it is just listening to her and letting her know I understand that helps more.

Healing eventually happens. You get over the person – maybe you don’t completely forget him or her, or maybe sometimes you do. Life goes on without them. It just takes time. It’s amazing what time will do for you. Just as we use different filters and lenses when taking a photo, we can do the same with our relationships. During the healing you may start to see the person who temporarily broke you in a different light and through a different lens. Funny how time will do that.

As I have hinted in a previous blog my life has taken an unexpected turn, as far as my relationship is concerned, for the better. I am still shaking my head how it all worked out. I am not ready to talk about it yet. But I will, eventually. However the one thing I know now, more than ever before,  is that I can survive any breakup. The past year brought me to my breaking point, but I did not break. I am resilient, I am strong. No one can define me. My heart was used, battered, beaten down but it did not stop being open to love. Maybe all the pain was preparing me for what came next. My guy and I are both in a really good place and our relationship is growing and thriving. Internal peace, clarity and happiness will do that.

So when you feel like you will never be open to love again I am begging you to give love a chance. Love yourself and everything about you, no matter how much a person may try to diminish you or your actions. The person who blames only you for the relationship failure or treats you like garbage is not unhappy with you, they are unhappy with his or her self. You are just the easiest to lash out at. Stop allowing yourself to be treated like shit. Get out of your own head and the what-ifs and live in the now.

And just know that I have been there too and when you come out from the depths of despair you will realize that you are stronger than you think you could ever be. Even if I find myself on the receiving end of heartbreak again I know that I will get through it, I always do. And you will too.

#dailyprompt

Posted in bloggers, blogging, blogosphere, breakups, commitment, communication, dailyprompt, dating, forgiveness, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Swallow the pill and move on

via Daily Prompt: Bitter

Regret is a bitter pill to swallow. Many times for me when a relationship that was important to me ended I would be filled with so many emotions – sadness, despair and regret, to name a few. Why regret? Did I regret ever being in a particular relationship? Never. What’s done is done. People who walk into your life usually have a reason or purpose, even if you don’t realize it at first. Sometimes the ending is so hurtful and painful that you wonder why were you even involved in the first place? How can someone treat another human, whom they supposedly cared about, as if they are garbage to discard? Regret of the relationship may set in.

Life is a series of choices. We choose who we allow into our life. Our choices don’t always work out, but that is how life works. You can either regret your choices and let the past eat away at you or you can swallow that bitter pill of regret and move on. It is not always an easy thing to do, but in the end, forgive yourself and cut yourself some slack. You are not perfect, your choices are not always perfect, but you and only you are in charge of your own destiny. Stand tall, be proud, but most of all be forgiving, of yourself and your choices.

#dailyprompt

Posted in bloggers, blogging, blogosphere, breakups, commitment, communication, dailyprompt, dating, forgiveness, friendship, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Eerie Calm

via Daily Prompt: Panicked

I no longer get panicked in my relationship when my guy and I don’t speak for a bit. As I’ve well documented in the past, when I didn’t receive a text for a long period of time (for me it might be just a couple of hours lol), I would start to worry that he wasn’t interested anymore. I’m not sure where this insecure behavior originated. It may have been due to the extreme stress in my life at the time that magnified everything for me and I just began to always expect the worst. But those times have passed. I am at a fairly peaceful place in my life which has calmed me and my negative thoughts down.

Or maybe it is also because I have someone who communicates well and is present. He is very driven, which I, by the way, find extremely sexy too. And I don’t mean driven in a way that his life revolves around work, just that he is in a very interesting field of work and I enjoy the stories he has to tell.  And he still makes  a lot of time for us too. He asks about my day, my job, my family and most important about me and how I am doing. I’ve walked into something very unexpected in my relationship world. Things have taken an  interesting turn, in a positive way, which I will write about soon. I’m still processing what has taken place and although there has been a loss too, there is also a new beginning – one I never expected but am welcoming with open arms. Funny how detours can happen when you least expect it and the new road on which you are journeying turns out to be the best route possible. 🙂

#dailyprompt

 

Posted in bloggers, blogging, breakups, commitment, communication, dailyprompt, dating, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

And then there was….

via Daily Prompt: None

When I was thinking of names for my blog my original title was going to be And then there were none. It was already taken and it didn’t really fit anyway. Was there really going to be none when a relationship ended? What about me? I matter most in my life. And no I am not being selfish by stating that, we need to put ourselves first, before we can take care of anyone else. Regardless of who walks in and out of my life, it all begins with me. We are taught to be selfless, put your kids and family’s well being above all else. Try to keep your spouse or partner happy too. Get that project done at work, keep your supervisor happy.

Who keeps you balanced and happy? The answer is not always the one that you should give. People will say he/she makes me happy. My kids make me happy. No one should make you happy, they should add to your happiness. Happiness, or whatever you want to call it, should start with you. You have to like who you are, be proud of your life, scars and all. If you are constantly disparaging yourself, whether regarding physical attributes or personality traits, you can’t possibly be content in a relationship with anyone else either.

I had a relationship that had a lot of potential fail late last summer (the ghoster, which has taken an interesting turn, more on that later). He had his own issues but I had mine too. I was not happy with my life or who I was. I was doing my best to try to seem like I had it all together, that nothing bothered me and that I was a strong as steel. Problem was that I was none of that at the time. I was struggling with life. I wasn’t honest with what was happening with me and trying to be someone I wasn’t hindered the relationship from going forward. I lost my confidence, in myself. I hated my life and what had happened. Until I began to heal and gain my confidence and be proud of who I am was I then able to be in a healthy relationship, with both myself and another person.

We all go through shit and bad times. Every single one of us. If someone tries to sell you their perfect world, they are lying. In this age of social media we see the happy stories on Facebook. – smiling faces, perfect family trips, etc. We project what we want the world to see, and although I have friends who post the truth too, so much of what people put out there is bullshit. I am rarely on social media anymore. I realized that I pretty much despise it. It does serves its purpose, keeping up with people that I don’t talk to on a regular basis, but the less I’ve been on it, the better I feel too.

I know we all shoulder different burdens. I hear and read stories that break my heart and make me wonder how someone can go on with all that they have to endure in life. But even on your worst days please always tell yourself that you are worth it and you are stronger than you know. You may lose your way at times and feel overwhelmed, and that nothing ever goes your way or is easy. Don’t ever let the fire inside you go out. You are in charge of that flame, no one else. Keep fighting, keep living and as hard as it may seem some days, keep loving yourself and who you are.

#dailyprompt

Posted in bloggers, blogging, blogosphere, breakups, commitment, communication, dailyprompt, dating, forgiveness, friendship, ghosting, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Silence is deafening

via Daily Prompt: Control

There was a time when things weren’t going so well for me and chaos invaded my daily life. As a result, my overactive brain would imagine scenarios that didn’t actually exist, when it came to my relationships.  Unfortunately it was during those times that my brain and my fingers did all the talking. I developed a major texting problem. I would lash out at my ex (sometimes well deserved) or the guy I was seeing last summer. It was bad, not all necessarily my fault, but I take ownership of my, shall we say, embarrassing, annoying, not well thought out, out of control texting behavior too. But there was an underlying reason for it -lack of communication.

I thrive on communication and when someone I am in a relationship with starts to pull away I want to know why. It eats at my brain, the analytical side of me then partners up with the emotional side of me and well, becomes a shit storm of texts and scenarios. I am an over thinker, my brain is permanently on overdrive. It works to my advantage most days and some days it does not.

If you ask me what I think is the biggest relationship killer? I would answer unequivocally – COMMUNICATION! I, unfortunately (and fortunately too), do not have the ability to read minds. If you are happy, sad, angry, confused or just going through something, how would I know what is weighing on your mind or what you are feeling, if you do not talk to me? I’ve had my share of passive aggressive men , liars, cheaters and just plain mean-spirited comment guys and what did they all have in common? Poor communication skills.

Communication is not always comfortable, but it is necessary. It is better to talk it out, then sit and stew, because that never ends well, at least in my case. And sometimes you need to take the first step and just ask your partner – Hey are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help? Understanding can only happen if you are aware of the situation. Break the ice and talk before you break someone’s heart instead.

#dailyprompt

 

Posted in bloggers, blogging, blogosphere, breakups, commitment, communication, dailyprompt, dating, goals, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Surviving the storm

via Daily Prompt: Gray

Eventually the gray clouds part, the rain starts stops falling and the sun shines through. You can prepare for rain but it doesn’t always happen. You can plan for a sunshine day and then an unexpected storm passes through. Weather forecasts change.

You can predict what you think may happen in a relationship, but just like the weather, relationships change too. Some days they are blissful, some days they are more complicated. Everyone wants sunshine but not everyone knows how to deal with the stormy days. And it is how you deal with the storms that matter most.

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Posted in bloggers, blogging, breakups, commitment, communication, dailyprompt, dating, forgiveness, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, postaday, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments