A Nail biter…no more

via Daily Prompt: Nervous

For years I bit my fingernails, a pretty gross, disgusting habit. I don’t even think it was a nervous habit, I just did it. Then when I was thrown back into the dating world after my divorce, I became more conscious of how my nails looked and they were quite ugly. I needed to stop and make a change. I made a effort to redirect the habit and eventually stopped. Of course when you also think how many things your fingers touch on a daily basis, it also helps to kick the habit.

Now I am the opposite, I am obsessed with painting my nails. I’ve become a hoarder of nail polish colors (Essie is my fave) and paint my own nails. I never bite them anymore even when I’m at my most stressed, or bored. I guess old habits can be broken and replaced with new ones. It may difficult and uncomfortable but you can do it, with persistence and patience.

It’s kind of like being in the right relationship I guess – some things may be uncomfortable and difficult, but with the right person by your side, you can persevere. Break the habit of settling for partners who make no effort to understand you or worse yet, stand by you when you need him/her the most. Find the one that fights for you, not only with you. And when you do allow yourself to be in a relationship where you matter, you will find that it feels really good and you’ll wonder why you allowed yourself to settle for less than what you deserve.

#dailyprompt

Posted in blogging, breakups, communication, dailyprompt, dating, forgiveness, goals, heartbreak, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

To kill a narcissist (not literally)

via Daily Prompt: Swarm

Warning: salty language ahead

Gaslighters, narcissists, selfish assholes, I’ve had my share. They would swarm around my head and try to fill my brain with thoughts of why I was wrong and they were right. Only worried about themselves, never about me. Gaslighters with sometimes subtle or not so subtle actions. How refreshing to be gone of those days of letting them dictate their agenda only.

Best way to combat these soul suckers? Just know it is them and not you. And know that you are a strong, badass, motherfucker who sees right through their bullshit.

Okay now that I got that off my chest – Happy Monday everyone! 🙂

#dailyprompt

 

 

Posted in blogging, breakups, communication, dailyprompt, dating, goals, heartbreak, humor, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

To share or not to share…

I think one of the best lessons I have learned in the past few weeks is that I need to stop sharing every aspect of my life, particularly in my non-blogging world. When you share, a lot, people begin to form opinions about you, the person you are seeing, not seeing, what you should be doing or not doing etc. I’ve decided that my current relationship will be my own business, for now. I need to be more careful in what I choose to share. It is not because I am devaluing anyone’s advice or opinion, it is because I need to protect and preserve what I have in my own mind. And frankly, sometimes I get tired of being asked the same questions over and over.

I will still share some of my current relationship here and there, but I find that when I overshare I set myself up for failure, with the relationship. And I also poison the well too. But what will I, relationship girl, write about? Fortunately or unfortunately, I have more material than I wish. My mind is always on overdrive and I have stories to tell and  I always have something to say, or in my case blog about too. I will still convey my feelings and thoughts but I will not give specifics, at least not until I am ready. And at the moment I am not ready. I need to let this one breathe and grow and hopefully sustain.

 

 

Posted in blogging, communication, dating, friendship, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Longing for Peace

via Daily Prompt: Desire

I had hoped that at this stage in my life I would have more stability and peace. I desire peace but it often seems to elude me. Struggles  and challenges seem to find me no matter how much I try to hide from them. I told someone the other day that nothing is ever easy.

I’m not expecting to walk through life with everything being handed to me and no bumps in the road. I consider myself a strong person but my heart gets tired, my body gets tired, I get tired. And lately I’ve been really tired. I know this too shall pass. I have a lot to be thankful for and I don’t take the people in my life for granted. I never will. But I am hoping that certain things happening in my life with take a turn for the better and I will find that elusive peace and with it that elusive sleep.

My desire for writing helps me cope and keeps me on the path to healing and hopefully on the path to peace.

#dailyprompt

Posted in blogging, dailyprompt, dating, friendship, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

It’s not easy being an Empath 

I feel deeply, I’m sensitive to others even when they aren’t to me and it is  deeply exhausting at times. Today I feel like I am having one of those days 

Posted in breakups, communication, dating, forgiveness, friendship, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged | 26 Comments

Don’t sell yourself short

Success Inspirers World

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via Daily Prompt: Center

A relationship shouldn’t be built on excuses and wishes. He or she is only doing this because of…. or  I wish he or she would stop…..

If someone isn’t treating you the way you know you want and deserve to be treated, then make a change. Communicate your doubts, fears, whatever is paining you and if the patterns still stay the same look deep inside and see how it is affecting you and why you are allowing it to happen. It’s painful  and never easy to let go and sometimes it’s uncomfortable to express how you feel. But always remember that you deserve happiness and it is not okay to feel unloved and unappreciated. Know your worth, know your value and don’t let anyone define who you should be, unless of course that person is you.

It took me a while to learn this lesson again…

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Posted in relationships | 4 Comments

Look beyond the jiggle

via Daily Prompt: Jiggle

We all have parts of us that we would like to change. Many of us suffer from poor body image. We may look at our bodies and think I wish I could get rid of my thighs that jiggle when I walk. Or the extra flab around my belly or my back fat, etc. If only we can see how beautiful we really are in the eyes of the people that love us.

I am guilty of body shaming –  myself. I have friends that tell me I look great, I don’t need to lose any weight but I don’t see it. So many of us do it and we let society dictate what is size appropriate. When I was at my thinnest late last summer I thought I looked great, but I didn’t feel great. I am tall and was wearing sizes that were made for someone much shorter than me. My clothes were hanging off of me. In reality I looked sick. It wasn’t due to an eating disorder, I wasn’t intent on harming myself. I am a person, who when under extreme stress, does not turn to food for comfort. I find that my stomach won’t handle food well. So not only was I physically not well, I was emotionally not well. A terrible combination.

Since then, I have gained a few pounds and overall I like how I look but I still want to slim down just a little, again. I’m not sure I will ever get to the point where I am completely happy with my physical appearance. It is a never ending cycle. The negative talk starts and I have to stop myself and it isn’t always easy to do so. I guess I see things I need to change that others do not. But then again it is all part of my personal journey, I can’t expect anyone to see what I see or feel how I feel. I vow I will try to stop the negative talk, it’s hard, really hard, but I will make an effort to do so.

So in closing, embrace  your jiggle, embrace your beauty, but most of all embrace all that you are. I promise I will too.

Happy Sunday everyone.

#dailyprompt

 

 

Posted in blogging, communication, dailyprompt, forgiveness, friendship, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

You’re so vain…

I bet you think this blog is about you.

There is an old Carly Simon song in which she sings You’re so vain, I bet you think this song is about you.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine and we were discussing my blog and how I have two, possibly three, exes follow me. I know it sounds crazy but I really have not problem with it. I don’t censor my words, but I also do not call anyone out and bash. I don’t need to, I have no hate for them. Sometimes there is a longing, a sadness and yes sometimes I miss them or maybe I just miss things about them. I am at peace about them now and I am moving on with someone whom I have a very strong feeling will be in my life for a long time.

I don’t write everything in real time. Sometimes what I am feeling or who I am writing about may be combination of a few relationships or it just be one person. Of course when I am writing I always wonder if an ex thinks I am writing about him. Some posts are pretty direct, some are a little more vague. There is one ex to whom I made it clear that I would have always been open to talking with him, but I did this in my real life, not the blogging world. But I know I had to let go of the what ifs in my head and free him of my thoughts. My heart took a little more time. I opened the door many times, but he never walked through.

story

My current guy does not read my blog, nor will I let him. He knows I have one and he knows why I won’t share it. I will say this about him though – he had a lot going on when we met and still does, I was and still am okay with that. He has trust issues, I am okay with that. I have issues as well that I am working on. But most of all, he’s not running away and neither am I. We hit a rough patch here and there, but have been working through it. Time will tell where we go and how deep we get. I was told by a very wise fellow blogger and by some close friends to trust my gut. I am. He’s worth it and so am I. If you have a person in your life that sticks by you and sees your worth, you have someone worth fighting for. If that person asks are you okay? that is a person you don’t want to let go, hang on to him or her tightly.

It’s been a tough road, but I know I am worth it, even on days I don’t particularly like myself. I deserve happiness and success and most of all, peace. I still fall down, hard, and have to drag myself back up. But I do and I will. And this time I may just have someone who will help me dust myself off and keep trying. Time will tell and so will my gut.

Happy Friday everyone.

 

 

Posted in blogging, breakups, communication, dating, forgiveness, friendship, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

You move me

via Daily Prompt: Rhythmic

We gave us a chance again. It’s been a tough road getting back to here but I’m trusting my gut and it tells me to dive in and see where the road leads us. We are in sync with the same goals, a rhythmic beating of hearts and pulses. Trust was an issue but that hurdle is being jumped over and left behind. Life hasn’t been easy for either of us, but it’s easier facing the challenges together. I missed you and you missed me, but we have the connection again and that is what matters. Maybe it was never really lost.

Your smile moves me, your voice soothes me, the thought of your touch, well…I’ll keep that between  us.

#dailyprompt

 

Posted in blogging, breakups, communication, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Mixed Emotions

life

Today is a day of mixed emotions for me. My Dad is receiving his last cancer treatment today and all signs point to it being successful. He will need to have scans every three months to monitor the cancer and make sure it is gone and does not return. My heart is happy and relieved that he and my Mom can breathe a sigh of relief and get back to enjoying life. I am going to surprise him tonight with some of his favorite things and celebrate.

I also found out yesterday that my friend in the UK who was unexpectedly diagnosed with lung cancer passed away. I wrote about him in previous blogs. A non-smoker who lived a healthy life and was enjoying life to the fullest. He was given about six weeks to live when diagnosed and he lived in pure agony those last few weeks. I am heartbroken for his family. He told me once again a week ago to just love and live, no matter how hard life seems right now it will pass. I promised him I would.

It made me think about all that I am frustrated and sad about in my life. How much time do we all really have on this earth? My Dad has been on this earth for 87 years and my friend had 51 years. Time is the one thing that is not guaranteed. And we waste so much of it waiting for tomorrow and what the future may hold. I’m guilty of it, I think we all are.

Life can be taken or given back in the blink of an eye. Appreciate those around you today, let them know it, stop fighting and arguing and start loving. You just never know when you will wish you had that chance again.

oh and FUCK YOU CANCER!

 

Posted in blogging, communication, forgiveness, friendship, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments