My worst flaw(s)

via Daily Prompt: Tremble

I am a helper, a compassionate soul who tries to see the good in everyone that enters my life. I trust easily, I forgive easily and I give way too many chances. I’m vocal about what I want and what I am feeling. Are these really flaws?  I don’t know how to be any different. I know people who are confused by how I can let myself be open to hurt again and again. But it also confuses me as to how people can be so guarded and closed off to love as well.

I tremble at the thought of ever becoming a person who is afraid to love. I think I’d rather be open to love and have my heart broken than to give up and wonder what could have been.

Don’t judge, just accept. Give your opinion but don’t look down on someone when they disagree with you either.

#dailyprompt

 

Posted in blogging, communication, dailyprompt, dating, forgiveness, friendship, goals, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Life is like a box of challenges

gump
If I had to rephrase the famous quote above from the movie Forrest Gump to reflect my life it would be – Life is like a box of constant challenges, you never know what shit you’re going to deal with next.
To say I gravitate toward guys who challenge me may be an understatement. This was pointed out to me by someone quite a while ago and I have to say that person was completely and utterly correct! My relationships, at least in the past few years, have not been easy. I’m not so sure if I am seeking out these types of men or if I just always look past the faults and try to see the good person. The road hasn’t been easy.

Now I know that I am not a white picket fence kind of girl. There are things that I do crave – love, loyalty, understanding, acceptance and of course, great sex! I also crave stability, but like sleep, that has eluded me too. I like being in a relationship, having someone to share life with, but I don’t need a guy to complete me – I want him to walk alongside me, be my teammate and catch me when I trip up, or pick me up when I do fall, help me clean my wounds and start walking alongside me again.

I’m really not that complicated either. I know some of my exes may disagree (at least one and he knows who he is) but maybe they complicated things for me too? I thrive on communication. That is not always easy for a guy, I understand that. But if you start shutting me out, my mind goes into overdrive. Keep the conversation going and I will be content and happy. Start shutting me out and well, I will call you out on it. I don’t play games. If something is bothering me I will say it, and sometimes it is not always what my partner may want to hear, but I refuse to change that about myself. You will always know where you stand with me. I want a strong man, one who can roll with the punches that life doles out, and then look at me and feel lucky I am by his side.

I was recently told by an ex that I need a yes man. He was completely off the mark on that one. I don’t want someone who agrees with everything I say and do. That is a completely ridiculous and unattainable goal to have. I want someone who, even when they disagree with me, won’t abandon me. I am fairly easy to get along with but I have flaws too. I overthink and over-analyze, but this is caused by behavior of my partner. I want to feel secure in a relationship. And if you are looking for me to agree with everything you say, run away now, fast. I will challenge you, I will make you think, but I will also stand by you when you need me the most and the least. I am loyal and a protector.

 

The past few weeks have been challenging to say the least. I haven’t been writing too much about my current relationship status because I have some things to work through, I’m kind of at a crossroads. Work has also been kicking my butt and even though I love my job, I’m exhausted. Family illnesses have also taken precedence as I have documented in previous posts that my Dad is going through his bladder cancer treatments.
But I think the most jarring news I received this week was my friend only having weeks to live with an unexpected diagnosis of lung cancer (non-smoker). I’ve been messaging him back and forth the past few days and to say it is heartbreaking is an understatement. He’s suffering mentally and physically. I keep telling myself that my recent challenges are minuscule compare to what he is dealing with, and believe me they are, but they are still not always easy to deal with. However, his illness has opened my eyes to what I want, really want, and concentrate on what is important to me in this world.
I recently reached out to someone who I thought was gone forever (more later it’s quite the shocker), because since my friend’s diagnosis I have also realized that life is too short to be pissed about things that can be repaired. Sometimes you need to take that first step and that is not something I am afraid to do. I’m kind of excited to see what may happen when we do see each other again, it was a spur of the moment decision to reach out and I’m glad I did. I have a feeling that when we do see each other there will be great conversation and many laughs, we were always good at that, and right now, laughter is what I need.
Reach out to someone today that you miss, no matter how challenging it may seem. Time is not guaranteed and one day you may regret that you didn’t have enough time. Don’t sit and try to craft the perfect thing to say, just reach out and let the chips fall where they may.
Posted in blogging, breakups, communication, dailyprompt, dating, forgiveness, friendship, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Clean break

via Daily Prompt: Clean

erase

I wish I had the power to wash my heart clean of the heartbreak you inflicted on me. I wish I had the power to wash my mind clean of your words and promises. I wish I could wash my tongue clean of your taste. I wish I could wash my body clean of your touch. I wish I could wipe my eyes clean of the tears that won’t stop falling.

I wish I could forget you, erase you from my life. You already have and I wonder how was it so easy for you? Or was it?

#dailyprompt

Posted in blogging, breakups, dailyprompt, dating, forgiveness, ghosting, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Just live life

via Daily Prompt: Resist

Resist the temptation to let life just pass you by. When I was online, last Spring, trying to find love, I came across a really nice guy that turned into a friendship. He lives in the UK, I live in the U.S., it was pretty impossible for us to meet, but we found that we enjoyed messaging each other about life, politics, dating, etc. We became Facebook friends as well. We talked about maybe meeting up one day. We had so many funny conversations about Brexit and the political race here in the U.S. He loved to go on holiday and would tell me of all his antics and fellow tourist antics.

I didn’t hear from him for a bit at the end of the year and recently noticed that he was posting ominous comments on Facebook. He just told me that he has lung cancer, was recently diagnosed and has 4 weeks to live. He never smoked, took care of his health.

He has two beautiful young daughters. Four weeks to live. He is fifty-one. His news hit me hard. I may not have known him long, but my heart breaks for him and his family. It is unfair, cancer sucks. He sold his company and retired young, wanted to spend more time with his daughters. He was living life to the fullest. It’s surreal. I can’t even begin to imagine what he is going through and feeling.

How many days have I wasted worrying about problems in my life which seem so insignificant? How many days do we all take for granted? How many people in your life do you take for granted, thinking they will always be there? Fighting with friends, family, exes, etc. Live your life, love your life, love those around you, tell people that mean something to you that you love them, make plans, deal with your mistakes, pick yourself up but most of all be thankful you have the opportunity to do so.

#dailyprompt

Posted in blogging, communication, dailyprompt, forgiveness, friendship, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

My favorite perfume

via Daily Prompt: Scent

I’m not one to wear much perfume but there is a bottle on my nightstand that I’ve had for years. The perfume was introduced in 1990 and it brings me back to a decade where my life was much different, easier perhaps. It was reissued for just a month or so, online from the brand only, a few years ago, and I purchased a bottle. There are many sites that sell it but most are watered down knockoffs and are not to be trusted.

I have other perfumes that have been given to me as gifts and bottles that I have purchased myself. Most are very clean, fresh scents, not overbearing. But my all time favorite seems to change with temperature. If I wear it in the winter it is a light smell, kind of a mix between a light floral and citrus with woody notes. If I wear it on a hot day in the summer it is more of a sensual scent. Of course I just wear it in the summer 🙂 Even the bottle is beautiful.

safariWhat is this scent I adore? Safari by Ralph Lauren. There is a men’s version still available, which isn’t so bad, but the women’s version – oh my! And I must add I’ve always received compliments on it, for those lucky enough to get close enough to smell it on me 😉

#dailyprompt

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Replacing you

via Daily Prompt: Replacement

I wish there was a magic pill that serves as a replacement for the pain I feel in my heart. I’m tired of feeling this pain, tired of the goodbyes, tired of starting over. Every relationship is a lesson, but must they be cruel and hurtful ones?  I’m still hopeful that one day that this pain will be a memory and someone will walk into my life and never want to make me feel pain again. Someone who will not only cherish my heart but protect it as well.

#dailyprompt

Posted in blogging, breakups, communication, dailyprompt, dating, forgiveness, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Relationships are like bananas

via Daily Prompt: Yellow

Today’s daily prompt, yellow, made me think of bananas. How does a blogger who writes about relationships include yellow in her writing? Not really sure but I’ll give it my best shot 🙂

Relationships are like bananas. When a relationship starts out, it is new, a little green like a banana, but with time and patience both will ripen. Don’t confuse infatuation with love and peel back the layers too early. Love that is rushed and bananas that are not ripe both taste bitter. Let them breathe. Both need nurturing to turn out sweet. As they both ripen accept that there may be imperfections, it’s all part of the process. But also remember if you neglect your relationship it will rot too, just like a banana.

Just be patient and trust the process.

Happy Sunday! Have a beautiful day everyone.

#dailyprompt

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Talk to me and listen too

via Daily Prompt: Automatic

I am a vocal person, an extrovert. This of course has advantages and disadvantages. On one hand, if you are in a relationship with me, you will always know where you stand. On the other hand, sometimes my mouth gets me into trouble because I am outspoken.

I was in a relationship years ago where the guy I was with was wonderful at making me feel loved, through both his words and actions, but was very passive aggressive when it came to expressing anything that bothered him.He let his frustrations build up to resentment, which is a relationship killer, and it killed ours.

I have also been in a relationship where the guy has told me exactly how he felt and called me out on my bullshit, for lack of a better word 🙂 and I have to say, although at times, it was hard to hear and sometimes stung, I at least knew where I stood.

Sometimes in our relationships we begin to run on automatic and assume we know what our partner is feeling and thinking. This is not always true. Assumptions also kill relationships. I have been the recipient of that thinking as well. But I also know that it is not easy, especially for an introvert, to express what he or she is feeling, but you have to do your best to communicate to your partner. I have married friends who keep a jar in their bedroom and they write notes to each other that they cannot express vocally. It might sound a little strange or quirky but it works for them. It helps to open up the conversations they need to have.

And yes, I do make mistakes with communication too. But I learn and move on. Don’t be afraid to say what you feel, it may not give you the response you want to hear but at least you will be heard. And listen to your partner, really listen, so they may be heard as well.

#dailyprompt

 

Posted in blogging, breakups, communication, dailyprompt, dating, forgiveness, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationship goals, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

I am ❤ You are ❤

Posted in relationships | 2 Comments

Actually eleven

via Daily Prompt: Ten

I happened to come across a photograph of myself that was taken eleven years ago. Yeah I know the prompt is about ten but I’m not going to lie for the sake of my blog 🙂

It was taken when I was still married and in the house that we owned. I look younger but not really that much different (thanks to my parents for good genes!). But so much has happened to me in those eleven years. At that moment in time, my husband (great guy no hate there) was in my life, we were in love, I had finished grad school, my beloved dog was alive, no cancer in my family. A moment in time.

Since that time there have been breakups, painful ones, financial issues, my dog passed, family cancer (2), surgeries, job loss, etc.

But there has also been a lot of good too. New relationships (and breakups lol). New friendships that are rock solid and full of love. A job I love. Family members that are still alive and fighting. I’m in the best shape of my life. And I still look pretty good 🙂

All moments in time in my life. I’m lucky that I am alive to experience these moments but most of all I am lucky to have the chance every day for a new beginning.

#dailyprompt

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