Do exes deserve a second chance? How about a third chance? or more? Are they exes for a reason or was the reason that they became an ex fixable?
I have been grappling with this dilemma for a few weeks now. I haven’t written much about it all because, well, I am very confused and honestly I am not ready to write about it all, yet. One has been back in my life since October, very present but not without its challenges, and the other has been trying to get back in, but not hard enough.
I have a strong feeling I know where my heart longs to be, but it is the constant battle in my heart that will not let me entertain leaving one behind. I care about them both and can see a future with either of them. It is more confusing than you think and harder than I ever imagined. I thought I was secure in my decision, but then feelings come back for the other. They have both been in my life in various stages since summer 2016, a long time. I am sure clarity will come soon and I will be able to move ahead. I need to move ahead because this situation is not fair to them or me. I know that and I own it, no lectures needed. Someone will get hurt and it may very well be me.
But for now work is busier than ever and school starts again this week. Unfortunately both classes end at 10pm two days per week which will lead to exhausting times ahead for me. I keep telling myself 16 weeks and I will be done and my graduate certificate completed. School is a great distraction even though it is draining and it will all be worth it in the end.
Then it is time to decide – PhD or 2nd Masters Degree, or perhaps a break to think about it all.
Have a great week everyone xoxo.