I want to pay homage to some of my exes, well sort of. I would like to thank my exes for:
Teaching me that I can’t force love. You were selfish in taking it, and also in giving it back.
Teaching me that communication is key. You thought hiding in plain sight was better, when it only showed me that you are a coward and I deserve more.
Teaching me that I need to always listen. You taught me what it feels like when your partner doesn’t and only responds and accuses.
Thank you for walking away and treating me as if I had no feelings or didn’t matter. Your silence was louder than an alarm clock and it woke me up to what I deserve and it was not your treatment.
Teaching me that not everyone has good intentions. You took more from me than I should have allowed and I learned that my empathetic and compassionate nature is not an invitation to allow someone to use you for what you have. They are only out for themselves and you will be discarded once your assets dry up.
Thank you for breaking up with me, more than once. It taught me that a real relationship takes two and if you could walk away more than once and treat me as if I didn’t exist, then I need to realize that I deserve better and I will find better, and you, will never understand how a real relationship should work. I will not be there when you feel it is convenient to come and go and I will not wait around for you to leave me again. I rediscovered my self worth and that is something you will never know.
Teaching me that not everyone can be fixed. You need to fix yourself first and if all you care about is your problems and never ask me if I’m okay, that is not okay.
But most of all thank you to the guy who always believed in me and in us, no matter how fraught our journey has been, you are the one who deserves my heart and I yours, and we have a beautiful thing ahead of us. I am cautious and hopeful, but I am also strong and will not settle either. No one should ever settle, not ever.