Will slow and steady win my heart? My relationship with VG was always pretty slow moving but right now it is more of an amble down relationship lane than a fast reunion. Mostly on my part right now, somewhat on his. But in the end maybe waiting for a good thing to happen takes time? I have never had a relationship progress this slowly, but then again my past ones didn’t work out so maybe this one is different for a reason. We have really gotten to know each other and have weathered quite a few storms together in our lives.
I had a conversation with a close friend of mine today and I have come to a decision. I am no longer going to talk about VG to anyone. I constantly get the question – have you seen him? and I feel like I need to explain myself or what is happening every single time. And I have to admit it is tiring. I am seeing other people in the meantime – not looking for anything long lasting right now, just having some fun. I have forgotten what fun is. I am still healing and hurting, and it is not fair to him, or to me either, to see him. I miss him and yes I do want to see him, but I want to give it my all when I do. It sounds hard to understand but it is what is going on in my heart and my brain so I don’t expect anyone to understand or agree or rationalize it either. But I have to admit the constant questions exhaust me.
If it is meant to be with him we will work it out. If not, then I will move on. He is a great guy with a deep caring soul and when I am ready to see him and he me again then we will, no matter how long it takes. I am very much an open book but this chapter needs to be kept private for now. Maybe it is not so good to always be an open book. Everyone has opinions and suggestions and advice, I am guilty of it too, but sometimes you just need to understand that there are two people in a relationship and only they know how they feel and where they want to go.
I do know that I won’t be with anyone who lets me go multiple times or doesn’t treat me like an equal partner. Those days are over. If someone lets me go, more than once, they do not deserve to have me back – I am sticking to that. I deserve someone who wants me in his life – and stays the course through good and bad.
I still believe there is a reason he has stayed in my life, however that may have been, the past few months. I’ve had people diminish it and say that you haven’t seen him. We never lost touch no matter what. Our contact ebbed and flowed, but it never went away. And he never dumped me because of me or him. We may have lost our way and maybe it took all of this stuff happening in our lives the past year to bring us to a place that will bring us back to each other, better than ever. It is almost a year ago that I began talking with him and I am happy that he has been part of my life.
VG is a good guy and no matter what he deserves the best in life and there are not many exes I would say that about. So in closing I will only share bits and pieces of us. I’ll still be writing and sharing about me and how I am coping – just maybe not so much about he and I – at least not yet.
And on a side note please send positive thoughts and prayers for my Dad. We will find out after Wednesday how far the cancer has progressed and treatment needed.