The past two weeks have been pretty difficult but there have been some bright spots too. I’m still worried about my Dad. My Dad, Mom and I spent time together yesterday – it wasn’t easy but I wanted to keep the peace especially because of what she has just been through and because she and my Dad are very worried about his next step fighting the cancer. I don’t think my Mom and I will ever be close but at least we can try to tolerate each other.
I’ve spent a lot of time at the beach, both with friends and alone and there is nothing like friends and sunshine to make you feel better. I have said this before – I have the greatest group of friends anyone could ask for and for that I am always grateful.
Nothing new with VG and I yet. I hope to finally see him next weekend. After a little bit of a sputtering (re) start, we talked more today. I think I am finally ready to see him and he to see me. I’m not going to push anything and just see what happens organically. I needed time to do some healing and I think I am finally ready. I’ll see how the week goes.
In the meantime I had a date with a guy I’ll call Mr. Polish. He is really good looking and has a very outgoing personality which I like. The conversation flowed and we have been talking every day. Another date will be happening this week. He has about a thousand different interests which is quite funny too. I need lighthearted and fun right now and he is satisfying that. Tomorrow night I have a date with the really hot Trader Joe’s guy. I am looking forward to that as well.
I still miss new/old guy. I am angry at myself for missing him after what he did but I can’t just erase memories so easily. I am a deep feeler and if I care about you I will let you know. I don’t hide feelings and I don’t play games, I am a straight shooter. I know in time the feelings will fade and the memories and plans that we made will sting less. I never wish bad upon anyone in my life but I hope that one day, when his current relationship ends for the third time, he will wonder what he could have had with me. Maybe feel an ounce of the pain I do right now. And regret – I truly hope he feels regret for letting the woman go that was standing right in front of him but also standing by his side.
I’ve had people say this is all God’s plan. He only gives you what you can handle. As much as I love the people in my life that say that – I don’t subscribe to it. I’ve had enough challenges – and I am tired of being hurt and struggling. I rather listen to my friend Erica who says to me “trust the process” – not always easy but good advice. I have no choice but to just trust that everything will be okay, in time. I just wish it didn’t have to hurt so much in the meantime.
Have a great week everyone.