via daily prompt Traditional
After seeing today’s daily prompt I felt the need to write about traditional relationships – you know the ones where you get married, have kids, get through rough times and live happily ever after. I have to admit I had those dreams long ago too. Stable relationships have eluded me in my lifetime so far. It has made me think a lot about my own life.
My parents have that traditional marriage – they have been married for over sixty years. I have cousins who have been in their marriages twenty plus years, friends too. It amazes me and also makes me a little envious that they have found the person who stands by them through thick and thin. And I have friends that have gone through what I have as well, and they have the biggest hearts and so much love to give. Why aren’t they able to find the person who cherishes them either? It pains me to see a friend settle for someone who is not right for them or go back to a shitty partner. Are they saying that about me too? I keep wondering why new/old guy went back to someone who he couldn’t work it out with 2 times already – why wasn’t I the one he wanted? Why go back to someone that didn’t work? I am still baffled by it all.
I often wonder why traditional relationships are so hard for someone like me. I am loyal, loving and willing to go the distance. Unfortunately the men in my life are not. Is it me or is it them? Are we all just so broken as we get older? I know my faults but I know how good I am too. I try not to define my life by my relationships, I have had some great loves in my life, but also so many heartbreaking losses, but after a while I start to feel like a failure at love. I wish I had answers as to why I am but I don’t. Maybe it is because I see the good when I should also be seeing the bad. I’m not sure that is easily changed behavior. I am who I am. I don’t expect to change the guy I am with but I do expect love and respect. And just once I wish I was the one someone fought to keep.