I’ve had a few days to think about what has happened to me and although I am not strong to write about it I will. My blog has always been raw and real and I will not sugarcoat my feelings. All I ask is that you refrain from judging me – right now I just need to heal and be supported. And I want to thank my friends who listen, dry my tears and hold me up when I can barely stand. And thank you to two of my exes who have also reached out (my ex husband, a great guy and The Complicated One who has become a great friend to me).
New/old guy called it quits with me last week. We had come back from our 7 days together. The first six days were wonderful. On the morning of day 7 he was quiet – not his normal self – I instinctively knew something was wrong – he assured me to stop overthinking, that everything was okay with us. I wanted to believe him but in my heart I knew better.
He received a text from someone he had a relationship with in the past on the day before we left. They had broken up 2x before and he felt that he needed to give it a third try (big mistake) so he could live without regrets. He wasn’t even sure if it could ever work with her. Needless to say I was shocked. I’ve never had anyone break up with me because things were great. And they were great – this was not in my mind.
For the past few months we spent multiple days together at each other places. We had many deep long conversations, and so much laughter and physical intimacy. Things were said by him, many promises and plans made – by him. I was not imagining his words – they were being said.
“Don’t date me unless you want to live with me”
“I never thought I would meet someone as compatible as you”
“you make me laugh and feel so good, like no one else ever has”
“I’m happy we got a second chance”
“my bed is not the same without you in it, I miss you, I wish you were here” (texted at 3am one night when we weren’t together)
“we are going to have a great summer together, and fall, and winter”
“you and I are going to be married one day – you know that right?”
Among so many other words said. We met friends of each other, neighbors, acquaintances, he talked about me meeting his son soon. We made plans, so many plans. Cooking together, entertaining together, listening to music – we both have such a love of music, sharing work stories and life stories. It was cerebral and passionate. Laughter was always present – we both laughed all the time with each other. He emailed me 21 inside jokes that we shared between us because he couldn’t stop laughing about it. He told me it was so easy being with me, he loved our dynamic. If we disagreed we resolved it, but that was rare. I respected his time constraints with work and his son. I was never needy and demanding. I let things happen organically between us. Unfortunately I let my heart believe him and my head. And I got burned, badly.
He broke up with me over the phone during work which is a dick move. He also mailed my stuff back UPS, also a dick move. To say I am stunned and am heartbroken would be an understatement. He and I did agree on one thing – this had absolutely nothing to do with me. He knows it all is on him. Unfortunately I am the one paying the price. I feel like I am in a nightmare and I am never going to wake up. It hurts, brutally and painfully. It felt so right, so very right. I know one day the tears will stop flowing and I’ll be okay. I have to believe that I will be okay – just don’t feel like that now.
I’ve lost my verve and I have lost my faith in love. Maybe it is only temporary, I don’t know. I don’t let any man devalue me but I feel disposable. He said it took a lot of thinking to come to his decision. I don’t like to wish bad on anyone but I hope this relationship of his implodes. Third try? good luck with that! He walked away from the best person possible and I hope one day he will realize his mistake. And it was a huge mistake.
Love and peace to everyone.