I took a small break from writing. I have a lot going on in my personal life and as always, my career which in and of itself involves a lot of writing as well. I now have three family members with cancer, my mom was just diagnosed with melanoma but it was caught early and the doctors believe treatable. If you follow me you know that my Dad has bladder cancer – he goes back for his followup and we are staying positive that it is gone. My sister has a non-curable form of leukemia but her cancer is slow moving, exhausting and will be treatable when it comes to that point, just not curable. But they are all still here, doing okay and I am okay and all I can do is be strong and hope for the best for all of them.
It is very strange being in a healthy, normal relationship again. It has been a very long time for me to experience this. I think the last time I did was during my marriage and even though that didn’t work out, it was overall, just normal and right, at the time.
Is the guy I’m with perfect? Absolutely not, but he is perfect for me. We get each other. Is it natty and drama free? Pretty much. There was a slight hiccup, but that was dealt with, in a very adult fashion – no hiding, blaming, arguing – just talking it out and to now say that things are better than ever would be an understatement. I laugh more than I ever had with anyone, we talk, we support each other, we love music, cooking together, are making plans to travel. I am wildly attracted to him and him to me. If I sound like I am gushing, I am and believe me, I am a realist too and I have to say my reality is pretty good right now.
I have always said you should accept the person you are with, issues and all. And while I still believe that to be true, you need to deal with your own insecurities and issues before you can expect anyone else to as well. If someone is self-destructing, blaming you for everything that goes wrong, mean, nasty, etc. then you need to walk away. I’ve been down the path of someone’s destructive behavior and it is not healthy and I refuse to play the part of fixer or tolerate that behavior anymore. Sometimes I read back on my previous blogs and I do not recognize the person behind the words, begging to forgiven for things that honestly I had no reason to be contrite for. But it is my past and recognizing it has made me stronger and confident in myself and who I am. Just because I am empathetic does not mean I will be someone’s doormat, nope, never again. Fix yourself before you blame anyone else for your shitty behavior.
Time and lots of hard work on my part have transformed me back into the person I was and it has allowed me to be part of healthy relationship. Him too. He was in a bad place and so was I when we met late last summer. Bad timing for both of us. The important thing is that we recognize that and we have dealt with it. Doing so has made both of us stronger and much more appreciative of each other. It’s amazing what time and some serious self-reflection will do. I am thankful that we found each other again. And I can say with certainty that he is too.