It’s hard to say goodbye, at least for me. I try my hardest to save a relationship, even if deep down I know that it is better for me to move on. I am currently in this situation and have been struggling writing about it and dealing with it in my life. It is new territory for me.
I had someone reenter my life whom I never expected would. We had hit it off late last summer but our personal circumstances were not good. We were both in a pretty shitty place, not with each other, but with our own lives. It ended before it had a chance to thrive. Our timing was off, way off. It was hard when it ended because our ending was confusing. Plus we got along famously, there was no big fight, or animosity. I always wondered what if?
Six months later we started talking again. I was seeing someone when we did start communicating again, so I tread very carefully. The guy I was seeing is a great guy but he has been through a lot and time and distance have not been on our side. The guy who came back into my life has come back full force. We are extremely compatible and as busy as his life is and mine, we make time and we are enjoying that time together. I have never laughed so much in my life with anyone. I said that when I wrote about him in the past and that has not changed. We are mentally and physically attracted to each other, always were. We picked up again as if we never closed our first, brief chapter, just this time our story is better, much better.
Saying goodbye to the other guy is something I still need to do. We haven’t seen each other in weeks but we still talk, although our conversations are now few and far between, sort of perfunctory. He still wants to give us a chance but needs time to sort some things out. But I no longer want to wait. I have done all I can do to keep us going but I want someone who is present and physically there. I never expected that my new/old guy would be the one by my side. Sounds confusing? It is, was, but clarity has set in and I know what I want and need to do, say goodbye to one. The time has just not been right to do so and I am not one to do it by text or phone (cowardly), but phone may be my only choice. It breaks my heart because I thought we had potential too. Two great guys at the same time – never would I have ever thought I would have this dilemma. But the relationship I am in right now with new/old guy is real and it is good and he is who I want. Also, we agreed that we will not be seeing other people because we want to see where this goes.
Goodbyes are not always final and sometimes they are. For me what I thought was a goodbye last summer, turned out to be just a temporary hiatus. More of a hey, I’ll see ya later. But it will most likely be a permanent goodbye with the other guy. And as happy as I am in my new/old relationship, it still hurts, but I know in my heart it is what I need to do.