When I was thinking of names for my blog my original title was going to be And then there were none. It was already taken and it didn’t really fit anyway. Was there really going to be none when a relationship ended? What about me? I matter most in my life. And no I am not being selfish by stating that, we need to put ourselves first, before we can take care of anyone else. Regardless of who walks in and out of my life, it all begins with me. We are taught to be selfless, put your kids and family’s well being above all else. Try to keep your spouse or partner happy too. Get that project done at work, keep your supervisor happy.
Who keeps you balanced and happy? The answer is not always the one that you should give. People will say he/she makes me happy. My kids make me happy. No one should make you happy, they should add to your happiness. Happiness, or whatever you want to call it, should start with you. You have to like who you are, be proud of your life, scars and all. If you are constantly disparaging yourself, whether regarding physical attributes or personality traits, you can’t possibly be content in a relationship with anyone else either.
I had a relationship that had a lot of potential fail late last summer (the ghoster, which has taken an interesting turn, more on that later). He had his own issues but I had mine too. I was not happy with my life or who I was. I was doing my best to try to seem like I had it all together, that nothing bothered me and that I was a strong as steel. Problem was that I was none of that at the time. I was struggling with life. I wasn’t honest with what was happening with me and trying to be someone I wasn’t hindered the relationship from going forward. I lost my confidence, in myself. I hated my life and what had happened. Until I began to heal and gain my confidence and be proud of who I am was I then able to be in a healthy relationship, with both myself and another person.
We all go through shit and bad times. Every single one of us. If someone tries to sell you their perfect world, they are lying. In this age of social media we see the happy stories on Facebook. – smiling faces, perfect family trips, etc. We project what we want the world to see, and although I have friends who post the truth too, so much of what people put out there is bullshit. I am rarely on social media anymore. I realized that I pretty much despise it. It does serves its purpose, keeping up with people that I don’t talk to on a regular basis, but the less I’ve been on it, the better I feel too.
I know we all shoulder different burdens. I hear and read stories that break my heart and make me wonder how someone can go on with all that they have to endure in life. But even on your worst days please always tell yourself that you are worth it and you are stronger than you know. You may lose your way at times and feel overwhelmed, and that nothing ever goes your way or is easy. Don’t ever let the fire inside you go out. You are in charge of that flame, no one else. Keep fighting, keep living and as hard as it may seem some days, keep loving yourself and who you are.