I bet you think this blog is about you.
There is an old Carly Simon song in which she sings You’re so vain, I bet you think this song is about you.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine and we were discussing my blog and how I have two, possibly three, exes follow me. I know it sounds crazy but I really have not problem with it. I don’t censor my words, but I also do not call anyone out and bash. I don’t need to, I have no hate for them. Sometimes there is a longing, a sadness and yes sometimes I miss them or maybe I just miss things about them. I am at peace about them now and I am moving on with someone whom I have a very strong feeling will be in my life for a long time.
I don’t write everything in real time. Sometimes what I am feeling or who I am writing about may be combination of a few relationships or it just be one person. Of course when I am writing I always wonder if an ex thinks I am writing about him. Some posts are pretty direct, some are a little more vague. There is one ex to whom I made it clear that I would have always been open to talking with him, but I did this in my real life, not the blogging world. But I know I had to let go of the what ifs in my head and free him of my thoughts. My heart took a little more time. I opened the door many times, but he never walked through.
My current guy does not read my blog, nor will I let him. He knows I have one and he knows why I won’t share it. I will say this about him though – he had a lot going on when we met and still does, I was and still am okay with that. He has trust issues, I am okay with that. I have issues as well that I am working on. But most of all, he’s not running away and neither am I. We hit a rough patch here and there, but have been working through it. Time will tell where we go and how deep we get. I was told by a very wise fellow blogger and by some close friends to trust my gut. I am. He’s worth it and so am I. If you have a person in your life that sticks by you and sees your worth, you have someone worth fighting for. If that person asks are you okay? that is a person you don’t want to let go, hang on to him or her tightly.
It’s been a tough road, but I know I am worth it, even on days I don’t particularly like myself. I deserve happiness and success and most of all, peace. I still fall down, hard, and have to drag myself back up. But I do and I will. And this time I may just have someone who will help me dust myself off and keep trying. Time will tell and so will my gut.
Happy Friday everyone.