If I had to rephrase the famous quote above from the movie Forrest Gump to reflect my life it would be – Life is like a box of constant challenges, you never know what shit you’re going to deal with next.
To say I gravitate toward guys who challenge me may be an understatement. This was pointed out to me by someone quite a while ago and I have to say that person was completely and utterly correct! My relationships, at least in the past few years, have not been easy. I’m not so sure if I am seeking out these types of men or if I just always look past the faults and try to see the good person. The road hasn’t been easy.
Now I know that I am not a white picket fence kind of girl. There are things that I do crave – love, loyalty, understanding, acceptance and of course, great sex! I also crave stability, but like sleep, that has eluded me too. I like being in a relationship, having someone to share life with, but I don’t need a guy to complete me – I want him to walk alongside me, be my teammate and catch me when I trip up, or pick me up when I do fall, help me clean my wounds and start walking alongside me again.
I’m really not that complicated either. I know some of my exes may disagree (at least one and he knows who he is) but maybe they complicated things for me too? I thrive on communication. That is not always easy for a guy, I understand that. But if you start shutting me out, my mind goes into overdrive. Keep the conversation going and I will be content and happy. Start shutting me out and well, I will call you out on it. I don’t play games. If something is bothering me I will say it, and sometimes it is not always what my partner may want to hear, but I refuse to change that about myself. You will always know where you stand with me. I want a strong man, one who can roll with the punches that life doles out, and then look at me and feel lucky I am by his side.
I was recently told by an ex that I need a yes man. He was completely off the mark on that one. I don’t want someone who agrees with everything I say and do. That is a completely ridiculous and unattainable goal to have. I want someone who, even when they disagree with me, won’t abandon me. I am fairly easy to get along with but I have flaws too. I overthink and over-analyze, but this is caused by behavior of my partner. I want to feel secure in a relationship. And if you are looking for me to agree with everything you say, run away now, fast. I will challenge you, I will make you think, but I will also stand by you when you need me the most and the least. I am loyal and a protector.
The past few weeks have been challenging to say the least. I haven’t been writing too much about my current relationship status because I have some things to work through, I’m kind of at a crossroads. Work has also been kicking my butt and even though I love my job, I’m exhausted. Family illnesses have also taken precedence as I have documented in previous posts that my Dad is going through his bladder cancer treatments.
But I think the most jarring news I received this week was my friend only having weeks to live with an unexpected diagnosis of lung cancer (non-smoker). I’ve been messaging him back and forth the past few days and to say it is heartbreaking is an understatement. He’s suffering mentally and physically. I keep telling myself that my recent challenges are minuscule compare to what he is dealing with, and believe me they are, but they are still not always easy to deal with. However, his illness has opened my eyes to what I want, really want, and concentrate on what is important to me in this world.
I recently reached out to someone who I thought was gone forever (more later it’s quite the shocker), because since my friend’s diagnosis I have also realized that life is too short to be pissed about things that can be repaired. Sometimes you need to take that first step and that is not something I am afraid to do. I’m kind of excited to see what may happen when we do see each other again, it was a spur of the moment decision to reach out and I’m glad I did. I have a feeling that when we do see each other there will be great conversation and many laughs, we were always good at that, and right now, laughter is what I need.
Reach out to someone today that you miss, no matter how challenging it may seem. Time is not guaranteed and one day you may regret that you didn’t have enough time. Don’t sit and try to craft
the perfect thing to say, just reach out and let the chips fall where they may.