I almost wrote off someone who has been there for me. I was struggling with past feelings, current feelings and the unknown, a deadly combination for an over thinker. Those damn ghosts of past relationships scare me and make me run.I worry more about being hurt than just allowing myself to just go with it. I wasn’t always this way, but I guess time has played with my emotions and my heart, and as much as I try not to, I let those ghosts haunt me.
I sat down last night and thought a lot about my current situation. It was a dose of reality. It isn’t easy to let go, but you can’t keep holding on to someone if you are allowed to keep slipping away.
Not only did I have to stop the thoughts in my head from ruining a good thing, I had to stop listening to the voices around me as well. I almost always listen to everyone’s advice but this time I had to just listen to me. What seems normal to you may not be normal to another person. We all have expectations and ideas of what is right and expected. Everyone is different, every relationship is different. Real relationships are messy and complicated, but they are also filled with laughs, honesty, acceptance and understanding too. I was so worried about the bad happening, that I neglected to see the good. I was and still am, at times, afraid to open my heart because of past hurt. It was all I have known the past few months. But today, I let it open. We talked it out and I’m hoping that we will work. The odds are in our favor because we have understanding on our side, something that has been lacking from my recent relationships. Assumptions and one-sided perspectives kill a relationship. Communication and compassion make it work.
Of course some of the ghosts will always haunt me, but I need to not let them scare me anymore. I don’t think we ever stop missing those special loves in our lives, we just learn to exist without them in it. We learn to move on and hold dear those memories, if they are good ones of course.
It may all change and I may have my heart broken again, but I will take that chance. He is worth it and I am worth it. I finally get that. I opened my eyes, and ironically so did someone who I least expected to. He questioned why I would let someone go who has been supporting me, and he was right. And he should know, he let me go.