Think about it, but not too much

I almost wrote off someone who has been there for me. I was struggling with past feelings, current feelings and the unknown, a deadly combination for an over thinker. Those damn ghosts of past relationships scare me and make me run.I worry more about being hurt than just allowing myself to just go with it. I wasn’t always this way, but I guess time has played with my emotions and my heart, and as much as I try not to, I let those ghosts haunt me.

I sat down last night and thought a lot about my current situation. It was a dose of reality.  It isn’t easy to let go, but you can’t keep holding on to someone if you are allowed to keep slipping away.

Not only did I have to stop the thoughts in my head from ruining a good thing, I had to stop listening to the voices around me as well. I almost always listen to everyone’s advice but this time I had to just listen to me. What seems normal to you may not be normal to another person. We all have expectations and ideas of what is right and expected. Everyone is different, every relationship is different. Real relationships are messy and complicated, but they are also filled with laughs, honesty, acceptance and understanding too. I was so worried about the bad happening, that I neglected to see the good. I was and still am, at times, afraid to open my heart because of past hurt. It was all I have known the past few months. But today, I let it open. We talked it out and I’m hoping that we will work. The odds are in our favor because we have understanding on our side, something that has been lacking from my recent relationships. Assumptions and one-sided perspectives kill a relationship. Communication and compassion make it work.

Of course some of the ghosts will always haunt me, but I need to not let them scare me anymore. I don’t think we ever stop missing those special loves in our lives, we just learn to exist without them in it. We learn to move on and hold dear those memories, if they are good ones of course.

It may all change and I may have my heart broken again, but I will take that chance. He is worth it and I am worth it. I finally get that. I opened my eyes, and ironically so did someone who I least expected to. He questioned why I would let someone go who has been supporting me, and he was right. And he should know, he let me go.

 

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About geminilvr

I have been through many relationships in my life, most long term, and they have all shaped who I am in some way. I try to find humor through the pain and heartbreak and find the strength to do it all over again. Navigating the dating waters in my forties isn't easy but hey what in life is? My blog is sprinkled with past relationships, current status and thoughts on it all! I hope my experiences make you smile, laugh or cry along with me and relate to the complexity that is life, my life, perfectly imperfect.
This entry was posted in breakups, communication, dating, forgiveness, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Think about it, but not too much

  1. L. Rorschach says:

    Awesome post and one I needed to read today. Thank you.

    My biggest issue is that I have a hard time verbalizing my feelings. I don’t even know what I want to get out of telling him that I’m unhappy. But you’re right: Hopefully I can better understand where he’s coming from and there may be a magical compromise I’m not currently aware of.

    Please wish me strength and peace that I don’t screw this up. 😉 But I also realize that sometimes there’s nothing that can be done if two people are too different from each other. Love and understanding can’t fix everything.

    Liked by 1 person

    • geminilvr says:

      Of course I only wish you the best. Honestly I wouldn’t use the word unhappy, too negative. Tell him your concerns and be honest with what you want. Then try to be patient and see if changes are made. I tried hard to get someone back but he couldn’t see past who he thinks I am and all the compromise in the world won’t fix it. Stay true to you and stay strong and I wish you peace and happiness.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You write the most thought provoking posts 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. nkdwhtguy says:

    Good advice for everyone…you communicate so well.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. TheOriginalPhoenix says:

    Wow I love how this is written. You’ve clearly come very far from your past experiences. I’m proud of you 😊 I’m not quite where you are. We’ll see how things go.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I needed to read this today. I have had a lot of thoughts on the very same subject. My own path is messy and hard right now. I have such a tendency to let my fear overcome me. I need to fight that too. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. The last few lines!! Wow wow wow

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Wiz says:

    As a youngin who is just stepping into the dating scene, it’s cool to see that when it comes to love and infatuation, there isn’t much difference not matter what your age is. Thank you for this post.

    Liked by 1 person

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