I love you but…

via Daily Prompt: Uneven

I love you but I’m not in love with you. I’ve had those words spoken to me during a breakup and I just never understood the meaning. Is there really that uneven balance of if you love someone or are in love with someone when in a relationship? I am of the mindset that if you love someone, you just love them. Throughout a relationship love changes, it evolves and grows or it perhaps, stalls. Do long term couples always feel like they are in love with their partner or do they just love them? Maybe it is just a line to use when you are breaking up to slowly rip off the dressing on the wound. You don’t want to say I don’t love you anymore,that’s painful to hear, so to soften the blow it’s easier to say I’m not in love with you but I still love you.

I also think it is why people flee relationships so easily too. We all know how it is in the beginning, you are in a love and sex stupor when everything your partner says and does is funny, cute, adorable, until reality sets in. If you are going to keep measuring love by how much “in love” you are, you are setting yourself up for failure. Love changes, it evolves, sometimes it slips away, and then it comes back. Sometimes you look at the person next to you and think I’m lucky, other times you think, is he ever going to just take out the fucking trash without me asking?

If you truly love someone you will do your best not to hurt them, it’s simple as that. You will argue, disagree, annoy the hell out of each other at times but if there is a foundation of love, you can get through it together, hopefully. And if you can’t get through it and you break, don’t say I still love you but I am not in love with you. Just say what you really mean – I don’t think we work and I’m sorry.



About geminilvr

I have been through many relationships in my life, most long term, and they have all shaped who I am in some way. I try to find humor through the pain and heartbreak and find the strength to do it all over again. My blog is sprinkled with past relationships, current status and thoughts on it all! I hope my experiences make you smile, laugh or cry along with me and relate to the complexity that is life, my life, perfectly imperfect.
This entry was posted in blogging, breakups, dailyprompt, dating, goals, heartbreak, hurt, life lesson, love, relationships, sorry and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

42 Responses to I love you but…

  1. Okoto Enigma says:


    Liked by 2 people

  2. Relationship is a tough game altogether (game) I don’t know if it’s the right word.. but when it’s new its a bliss.. and the more you get into it, then things are taken for granted.. I want to say so much on this but kind find the right word..

    But I truly agree on what you said in the end, say it clear that it’s not working..

    Liked by 1 person

  3. L. Rorschach says:

    I agree. The “in love” excuse was one I used when I was young and inexperienced but now I’m old enough to know better.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sounds like the words coming from a deeply bruised heart but I really agree with what you have said here. It’s always better to say things as they appear to us rather than being unreal and senseless.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That line about taking out the fucking trash hit me two ways. Loser loved to take out the “trash” if you know what I mean. The other way, I remember thinking “I wonder why he thinks that doing all the man work, like taking out the trash….is MY job?” He would sit there, drinking beer and smoking, while I took out the trash, filled up the kerosene heater, worked on the plumbing….well…..his mama DID tell him that everything besides working….was the womans’ responsibility. (That included raising the children.)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. yuhublogger says:

    “If you truly love someone you will do your best not to hurt them, itโ€™s simple as that.” Well said

    Liked by 1 person

  7. etherealbeingsinmylife says:

    Love changes and/or evolves over the years and changes moment to moment. It is impossible to maintain puppy love and mad passion all the time. You also will have feelings of hate at times. Twenty years ago I loved my husband because I needed him. Now I need him simply because I love him. His happiness is of utmost importance to me now. When breaking up, I think you should just say it as it is. No need to make it something it is not.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. eddaz says:

    Great post Geminilvr…You hit the nail on the right spot with your words. “If you truly love someone you will do your best not to hurt them” good to share this post ๐Ÿ˜˜

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Speechless

    So well done!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. ladyinthemountains says:

    I totally agree with this but also understand other kinds of love. I think we have all heard his statement in the past and I am sure we will hear it again.
    In a true relationship, the love develops into something much deeper and truer than the twitterpated love at the beginning. So many people want to keep that twitterpated feeling but that doesn’t last. The true love that should exist is so much deeper than that.
    Other kinds of love are still true and deep. The love for our parents, siblings, kids, and friends. I even have that love for many ex-boyfriends. It is definitely not the love I want with my partner to be, if he exists.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. bklynboy59 says:

    This was a conversation my ex wife and I had years ago about whether we were in love or we love each other. Notice I said ex-wife so you know the ending ok? But the point is at that time I was in love with her where I couldn’t see my life without her in it or se my life without her period. As it turned out things did happen on both ends to erode the relationship. And I do believe you can love someone like a a really good friend be in a relationship with that person and not be in love with them.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. sachanievsky says:

    Thank you for writing this! I have been told that recently and the funny thing is the person who told me did not pretend. She really does have deep feelings of love for me, to the point of saying everything was just so clear and easy and devoid of hurt with me. But she was not in love, it was not passionate and she was not afraid of being hurt with me. To her, that’s what love is. And of course I do not agree, but perhaps that’s what some people mean when they use that sentence. Perhaps they need the pain and the fear… Because love is such a strange thing…

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I love what you said but I’m not sure I totally agree. My husband of 14 years and I just separated and i can tell you while I love this man b/c he is the father of my kids, there’s no way I would ever want to be with him again. I have fallen in and out of love with him so many times over the years b/c of the things he’s done and the ways he has betrayed me. So while yes, I believe in a lot of cases what you are saying is complete truth, I do there there are times when saying I love you but I’m not in love with you can also be true!

    Liked by 1 person

    • geminilvr says:

      I see your point as well. I think it is just everyone’s perspective of love. When it was said to me I think it was just his way out of the relationship, there were so many other factors involved too. Thanks for commenting and I wish you peace and healing during what I’m sure is a very difficult time.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Ben Aqiba says:

    Yea,so true…great post

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Oh my God, you just described my last relationship as a whole. Only problem was…it was me saying those exact words after months of neglect, being cheated on, lied to, and loved so harshly. I actually got teary eyed reading it for numerous reasons. First, you wrote from the exact angle I want to establish being that I just started my blog on the topic of young love. Two, you write from experience. Hard to find now. And three, you spoke to me as another female whose been in that predicament. Jeez…Thank you! I love this piece! Maybe I can get some pointers lol

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Pingback: All we need is a little bit of faith

  17. mick25117 says:

    Love is a ruthless environment when it goes wrong but we must hurt others in order to find our true love. Is the love is dead then seek happiness

    Liked by 1 person

  18. mick25117 says:

    But is there someone else you may be in love with out there more?

    Liked by 1 person

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