I love you but I’m not in love with you. I’ve had those words spoken to me during a breakup and I just never understood the meaning. Is there really that uneven balance of if you love someone or are in love with someone when in a relationship? I am of the mindset that if you love someone, you just love them. Throughout a relationship love changes, it evolves and grows or it perhaps, stalls. Do long term couples always feel like they are in love with their partner or do they just love them? Maybe it is just a line to use when you are breaking up to slowly rip off the dressing on the wound. You don’t want to say I don’t love you anymore,that’s painful to hear, so to soften the blow it’s easier to say I’m not in love with you but I still love you.
I also think it is why people flee relationships so easily too. We all know how it is in the beginning, you are in a love and sex stupor when everything your partner says and does is funny, cute, adorable, until reality sets in. If you are going to keep measuring love by how much “in love” you are, you are setting yourself up for failure. Love changes, it evolves, sometimes it slips away, and then it comes back. Sometimes you look at the person next to you and think I’m lucky, other times you think, is he ever going to just take out the fucking trash without me asking?
If you truly love someone you will do your best not to hurt them, it’s simple as that. You will argue, disagree, annoy the hell out of each other at times but if there is a foundation of love, you can get through it together, hopefully. And if you can’t get through it and you break, don’t say I still love you but I am not in love with you. Just say what you really mean – I don’t think we work and I’m sorry.