We are all Warriors and Good Riddance 2016

Warning: Salty language ahead and shit’s about to get real too!

This past year was shit, it really was. No, it was actually fucking shit! I don’t think I personally despised a year more than I did 2016. As I look back, not fondly, I have to say I can’t wait to put this year far behind me. It belongs in the toilet. I started off celebrating the arrival of 2016 with The Complicated One, living together, and fighting, on New Year’s Eve. We made up, for lack of a better words, the next morning and lived on an emotional rollercoaster with each other for the next few months. When we officially broke up in April it devastated me. Then I met someone and felt happiness again. But of course, that happiness was not to be either.

The year had me looking for a job and fighting for my temporary hope to become permanent job. Thank God it worked out but it was a fight that damn near drained the life out of me. Then my sister spent three weeks in the hospital when routine surgery turned out to be not so routine. It was life-threatening, no one else knew except me, and while that was happening I was going through a breakup and fighting for my job all at the same time. During that horrific span, I lost a guy that I cared for, lost an insane amount of weight and lost myself. I cried buckets. I drank too much vodka one night and took an extra anxiety pill. It was a recklessly stupid move. It was not enough to kill me, that was not my intention, but it rendered me incapacitated and scared the shit out me. I remember I just wanted to sleep the weekend away, not realizing how dangerous what I was doing actually was. I just wanted to numb the pain, in a very wrong way. I woke up hours later on my bathroom floor after vomiting and crawling into the bathroom. That was my rock bottom. I haven’t taken an anxiety pill since.

I constantly wondered if I had paid enough already! I paid financially, emotionally and physically. To say this was the worst year of my life is an understatement. It was sheer fucking hell. I’ve had some not so great years but this one took the cake. I think the stress of everything, all at once, took its toll on me. I have endured a lot in my life, and usually have better coping skills, but I reached a point this year where I just couldn’t take any more.

As I wrote this piece through my tears, I also realized that I do have some things to be thankful for as the year comes to an end as well. My sister is still fighting cancer but she is alive, and fighting. And even though my Dad is now fighting cancer too, he is an 87 year  old stubborn badass. I am healthy, both physically and mentally.  I have friends who love and support me. I have repaired and found a lifelong friend in a relationship that I thought was fractured forever with the Complicated One. I have a job that I love. And even though I met The Scorpion and lost him, he made me feel beautiful and sexy again and made me laugh, a lot, with his incessant teasing, even if it was just for a while.  I also met someone who is very special. I’m not sure where it will go, but I have a feeling it will be a very good journey. Time will tell.

But most of all I am thankful I am alive, and that the day I drank too much in July didn’t kill me or kill my spirit. I eventually got me back, the strong me who was hiding while the weak me temporarily took over. Writing saved me. Writing about yourself and exposing your weaknesses isn’t easy. It’s not brave. I’m not brave, I’m just me – a flawed, imperfect woman who loves hard and wants to be loved too and is trying to just deal with life, one day at a time. My blog has given me an outlet to express my emotions and in the process I’ve met some amazing bloggers, whom I now consider friends, along the way. How many likes, views and follows I receive are exciting but honestly it’s the comments that are most important to me. Solidarity and knowing that my story may have given someone hope and not feel like as if they are alone, no matter how dark their circumstances may be, gives me hope too. Selfishly it makes me feel as if I am not alone. I never thought writing about myself could help someone else. As I always say I am still so humbled by it all, I really, truly am.

2016

So as 2016 closes I just want to say thank you for following, commenting, viewing, supporting and sharing my journey. It has been a very difficult year, but I have come out of it stronger. I will always be a work in progress, but then again aren’t we all? There is no shame in admitting your mistakes or showing you are vulnerable. It’s what makes us human. We all fall and get back up. No one has a perfect life, we all shoulder different burdens and should practice just a little more mindfulness because you never really know what someone is going through.  I read what many of my fellow bloggers have been through as well, and it rips my heart out, but it gives me hope too. We are all warriors fighting our own battles.

I hope 2017 is a better year for me, my family, my friends, my exes (yes I actually mean that), and for my fellow bloggers and followers. I have no resolutions, don’t really believe in making them, but I vow to just be me and always value me, not matter what life throws at me, again and again.

Cheers to you and yours! We got this! Bring on 2017! And 2016 – FUCK THE FUCK OFF!

Peace and love. XOXO

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About geminilvr

I have been through many relationships in my life, most long term, and they have all shaped who I am in some way. I try to find humor through the pain and heartbreak and find the strength to do it all over again. Navigating the dating waters in my forties isn't easy but hey what in life is? My blog is sprinkled with past relationships, current status and thoughts on it all! I hope my experiences make you smile, laugh or cry along with me and relate to the complexity that is life, my life, perfectly imperfect.
This entry was posted in blogging, breakups, communication, forgiveness, goals, heartbreak, humor, hurt, life lesson, love, relationships, sorry, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to We are all Warriors and Good Riddance 2016

  1. Well done on writing all that. I wouldn’t have written something so personal and posted it. Even the posts of mine that sound ultra personal are fairly heavily based in a fictional world. It’s no doubt true we all write with an element of ourselves coming through but I’d never write a post with that much real life honesty
    Kudos to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • geminilvr says:

      It’s not always easy to do but it’s who I am…thank you

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah I guess for me it’s more of a case of not sharing with the world, I don’t mind sharing with some but it’s too easy for people to take things the wrong way. The number of poems I wrote that were soppy and got taken out of context is ridiculous, yet no one rang the cops on me for being a murderer when I wrote about stabbing people.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. ladyinthemountains says:

    The way you feel about 2016 is how I felt about 2007. It has been a long struggle and some horrible times since then. I am sure I will blog it sometime. I am glad that you have made it through this horrible year and have been writing. I understand the writing being healing for you but it is also wonderful how it can be healing to others, too. Thank you for sharing again. Next year will be better, if only because of your attitude. That makes a HUGE difference.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. allylmare says:

    I hope the best for all of us! Great job being a survivor! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. At the end of 2015, I was so glad to see it go. It had been such a horrible year…and now we’re at the end of 2016, and IT HAS BEEN WORSE! I hate 2016. I hate it forever.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Virtual hugs to you for being so brave facing everything up and with conviction! Tears run down from me while reading your writing perhaps I can feel you and can relate to you. 2016 was not good to me either. Thank you for sharing your year to us, indeed all of us are fighting some kind of battles in our life, good thing there is this writing community where we can share and in the process we are healed at the same time!

    Let us welcome 2017 still with a big hope knowing that the Almighty God has prepared something for us!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Gawd Girl! You are a rock and rock star! I had a year like this a couple back and I will tell you I aged that year. It nearly killed me. You have made it you are a fighter and survivor. And although I still have moments, I believe that I will always be thankful in a way to that year. The lessons I learned, the strengths I didn’t know I had and how it changed me for the better- all of these will I give credit to that year for. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Lisa A. says:

    I’m glad you’re still with us. 2016 was the worst year for me too. I went through a very painful breakup with the same guy twice. I almost died in a car accident, I lost my job, etc. So glad to see 2016 go! I hope 2017 is better for everyone!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. 2016 was…..awful. I think 2017 will be better by default because it would be pretty difficult to top the crappiness that was 2016. I’m so proud of you for staying strong through everything! I broke up with my soul sister in April 2016 also? What is it with that month??

    Liked by 1 person

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