Today’s daily prompt immediately brought me back to the world of online dating. It’s been over three months since I took my hook out of the water and stopped fishing for dates. Relationship girl was thrown into non-relationship status and had to enter the dating world again. It sucked and I suck at it too. I heard someone refer to the dating site I was on, Plenty of Fish, as Plenty of Duds and although that is a pretty funny analogy I did meet some great guys on the site. But now that I’ve gone dark with my profile I have to say I do not miss it at all.
Online dating is hard. Just trying to keep up with and weed through messages was exhausting. I had one slip-up and went back online for two hours @three weeks ago. As soon as messages started coming in, I completely regretted it and went dark again. I didn’t want to be there. I have been concentrating on one guy, who I really like, and am excited about where we may be heading. Why did I slip up and go back on briefly? I was the one this time who almost ran at the first hint of trouble, something I never do. Maybe I just got a little scared and was preparing myself to be hurt again, I wasn’t sure if he really wanted to be with me. I was getting in my own head again. This time, we talked about it. I knew in my heart I didn’t want to run away, neither did he. And we didn’t.
He is real and genuine. He recently asked me what I like about him. I was honest and told him his compassionate heart, everything else about him was gravy. It’s the truth. That is what matters to me. I don’t care about status, degrees, houses, etc. Never did. I care about substance, character. In this modern dating world where people ghost, slow fade, bench, run away or avoid at the first hint of trouble, I am happy we found each other. He communicates, which can be rare to find. In my last relationship I tried too hard and sadly, he didn’t. He wanted no drama and I was afraid to share mine. And when I did, I felt him pull away. It hurt, a lot. As crazy as I was about him, I want someone who can stick by me, ask me if I’m okay or just plain tell me to stop acting irrational. I’m fairly easy to please but I’m also human. I will make mistakes, but I will also forgive yours.
I’m cautiously optimistic. I’m afraid to write anymore because I don’t want to jinx it. I won’t give him a code name either (lol). I’m still healing and dealing with some shit, but I’m letting my light shine through again. He gets me, I get him. And this time, no one is running away, including me. At least, not yet.
Happy Saturday everyone – enjoy your weekend.