We all do things that maybe, in hindsight, we look back on and say what the fuck was I thinking? I had two of those moments this past summer. I was clearly not in a good place when they happened. At the time I was sad, hurt and feeling really heartbroken, but now I can look back and find my two momentary lapses of reason funny as well. Please don’t judge, just laugh along with me.
Ex Involved: The Complicated One
Ah, The Complicated One. How far we have now come since the origin of this story, really far. It was the weekend before Memorial Day and I was in a place of anger with him. I was seeing The Scorpion at the time and things were going well with us. I liked him, a lot, and tried to stay positive even though there was so much negative going on in my life, but problems with The Complicated One were still looming heavily in the background. I did my best to hide it but it was taking a toll on me. He owed something to me and I was tired of the evasion game that was taking place. It was emotional manipulation at its worst. I also had his mail, a lot of it and I wanted it gone too. So I drove to his new place to confront him, something I never, ever have done before.
Now I hate confrontation and I hate fighting, but I had had enough of his games and as I said the disappearing acts. I was literally at my breaking point. As I neared his place I saw his car. Okay he’s home, you got this, go ring the bell, give him his mail and demand what you have been waiting for. I rang the bell and waited, no answer. I rang it again, no answer. He was renting the second floor of a three family Victorian home. Windows were open. I held my finger on the doorbell and still no answer. I started yelling his name, my inflection rising and falling with every syllable. I then took all his mail and put it on the windshield of his car. The whole windshield was papered. I took a selfie on his car with the mail spread out over it and sent it to him. I again yelled his name, with the same inflection of my voice rising and falling.
As I look back now my voice rising and falling with every syllable is really pretty funny. Even he laughs about it when I recreate it. After about an hour or so, I was ready to give up. He finally texted me and said he was not home – finally an answer. He apologized and promised he would come see me to take care of his debt. As I turned to leave, the dude that lives on the third floor shouted out – “Hey sexy, you are gorgeous. If you want to have some fun come see me next time. Damn you are beautiful.” That actually made me laugh, and at least for the moment it made the burn of my angry tears less stinging as I got into my car and drove home. My friends still laugh thinking about me calling out his name and his upstairs neighbor hitting on me as I left. The Complicated One even jokes that he rigged his doorbell to not ring when I press it.
Ex Involved: The Scorpion
Ah, The Scorpion. Still miss that sexy beast at times. This story highlights my sometimes impulsive nature. So as I’m sitting in work one day longing to talk to him after some shit went down between us, I came up with what I thought was a great idea, at the time. It was late August and I was talking to someone new (unfortunately the Professor who ghosted me) but I just wanted to see if I could get one more chance to talk to him. I wanted him back so badly. At the time I assumed The Scorpion was living at his parent’s house. This move was only a short temporary one as he was in between places. I had no idea that he was actually already in his new place since we weren’t communicating.
I decided to send him an apology note with a cookie gram, to his parent’s address. Yes, you read right, cookies. To top it off, the cookies that I picked to send were shaped like screws with the words “Sorry I screwed up” on them (photo above). I also included an apology note. The cookies were from a cute little bakery in New England that I found online. I thought it was a sweet idea until reality set in, after I had ordered them, and the order was on the truck for delivery. My gut then told me this could be disastrous. You see, The Scorpion and his Dad share the same name, just different suffixes. I made sure that would be clear on the delivery label. Of course, at the time only two people knew what I had done and both had said what if his Dad opens the box? Overall they thought the idea was sweet and that there was no way he wouldn’t want to see me after that gesture. But the thought of his Dad opening the box was solely on my mind after that point. I panicked and tried to see if I could stop the delivery, but it was too late. I knew when the cookies would be delivered and as much as I wanted to hide in the bushes and intercept the delivery I knew that wasn’t a reality and that would be really, for lack of better words, even crazier behavior.
So, yes the day they were delivered he texted me. I waited about an hour to open his text, I was really nervous about what he was going to say. He thanked me and asked how I was doing. We eventually got into a texting argument, again. He was not interested in hearing what I had to say or talk to me, at least not yet or maybe not at all. Eventually, when we had our conversation in September he revealed that his Dad did open the cookie package first and it was, to say the least, pretty awkward. We both were able to laugh about it a little then and thankfully I am able to laugh about it now. I hope he can too. I’d like to think we are in a better place with each other.
I really am not one to do such stupid things. I guess when I fall, I really do fall hard, but I usually don’t take things to that extreme. Looking back now I can laugh, but a piece of me also remembers how much pain I was going through at the time and how that pain along with so many other stressful situations that were happening at the same time were slowly eroding away my rationality and my strength. I also lost my sarcastic and very self-deprecating sense of humor, which for me is one of my greatest qualities. As I was recently reliving these two stories with my one of my closest friends I found I was laughing really hard, we were both laughing really hard. It feels so good to laugh again. She knows me inside and out and knows I do things impulsively but never maliciously. My mouth still occasionally gets me in trouble but I always say at least I am not passive aggressive and you always know where you stand with me. And even though sometimes my life is like one big comedy show I honestly am a pretty rational person.
I am not proud of these two moments, even though they serve as relationship fodder, but I am proud that I am past that point of despair. The Scorpion and I have a small bit of contact now and then. We still play the Words with Friends game and he still kicks my ass every single time. The Complicated One and I have a newfound understanding, a genuine love that runs deep but is what you can call a friendship. We will always be connected.
I have decided though that from now on no more surprise visits unless it is a happy one or involves a little “fun” and I’ll definitely save cookie deliveries for special occasions only. All cookies and doorbells are now safe as well.