Considering all that was going on in my life this past year, I could have been a martyr and kept wallowing in my misery, but I chose not to. Misery loves company as the old adage says, but continuing to keep that company is not healthy either. Deciding to get out of that cycle of wallowing in it was not an easy choice. The options to stay sad were so much easier. Just shut out the world and cry, retreat into yourself, it’s safer than letting anyone see your hurt and know your imperfections. But although actually getting up, taking care of myself and seeking help was the tougher option, it was the better option. It always is. I knew that, but it seemed impossible that I could even take the first step.
I’m happy and proud that I chose the latter. I’m still not perfect and my life is far from perfect. It never will be but I do know that playing the role of martyr is not a place I ever want to be again. Never again.