Today’s word has so much meaning, both negative and positive connotations. Its meaning is ambiguous in nature, but in thinking about how to use it I knew the best place to go was recent history in my life. I feel like I have been writing, hopefully not ad nauseam about my summer, but in this case the word fit.
If you follow my blog you know that, this past summer, aka my summer of shit, threw me into a liminal state. My comfort zone was gone and replaced with so many unknowns. Will my job that I have been fighting for become permanent? Will my family member, who has cancer, get out of the hospital without any additional major health complications, after what should have been routine surgery but ended up being anything but. Will the guy I was crazy about forgive me for my “crazy” and allow me back in? Will my ex stop with the mental torture regarding finances and just cooperate?
I knew I had to right my ship, get on track to put myself back into a stronger mindset, take care of me. It seemed impossible and I was failing at life, miserably. I was also afraid of the unknown and what was awaiting me. It was this liminal time, a chaotic time, where finding a period of transformation, well, that seemed nearly impossible.
Once my sibling was out of the hospital, with minor complications, and my job was secured, everything was slowly starting to fall into the place. Self-reflection is also powerful tool. Sometimes though, I wonder if I am still in a state of liminality. Good things, no great things, are starting to happen for me. But there are still some major challenges too. In hindsight, I’m not even sure if I have changed, I don’t think so, or if I just changed my mindset, which I truly believe is the case.
It is not always easy but life right now is good. Maybe we are all in a stage of transition, adapting, growing and redirecting as life hands us both the sweet and the sour. Sometimes I feel as if I’ve been handed so many lemons that I could make enough lemonade to quench the thirst of the world. But I’ve learned that is okay and I am okay too.