Hello, Are You Okay?

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So I’ve had two full days to digest and think about the outcome of the game and my subsequent call from The Scorpion. As I look back, I am upset that he bothered to play this game with me at all, considering the outcome. I felt led on. Even though he may have been doing it to prove a point, I do not need to prove myself to anyone anymore. Take me as I am. I will love you like no other, but I will also screw up, I am human.

I still think he is a great guy, I really do. But being with someone is about acceptance and being there. I think when I was spiraling out of control with my texting, he could have done one thing to stop it – ask me if I was okay. Simple right? Looking back that would have meant the world to me. I was struggling through a lot this summer, a helluva lot. This summer took a toll on me, mentally and physically. Family illness, work struggles, financial struggles. It’s not an excuse for a free pass on anything but it is a opening to be there for someone when they need you.

Are you okay? How easy is it to say that someone? I always worry about everyone else in my life, it’s what I do whether you ask for it or not. I am helper, fixer, you name it, I’ll do it. But so often, I long for someone to ask me what they can do. I’m not talking about my friends, they do that and are there for me, always. I am speaking directly about the men who have been a part of my life.

I won’t disclose all that The Scorpion and I spoke about. I understand some of his reasons and am confused by others. I won’t say anything to disparage him, it is not in my heart to do so. I care about him and do not have any reason to do so. I still think he was someone I could have had a future with, but only if he could accept all of me. Accept that I make mistakes, but also accept that I will forgive yours too. I’m not so sure that he could accept me for who I am, the girl who has flaws and some days finds it hard to smile even though I will do my best to smile.

He has moved on, I will move on. Our paths may cross again or they may not. He gave me the conversation that I longed for, unfortunately, I wish he would have talked to me weeks ago. It might have been a different outcome, or maybe not. I can’t project his thoughts and I won’t attempt to either.They’re his and not mine. I’m still happy that we met and he was a part of my life. I have no regrets.

No more games, no more tests, no more I’m sorry from me. I am easy, yet complex. I love hard but I’m not hard to love. All I need is a little watering. I’m stronger than most people realize and sometimes I am amazed at my own strength.I have been through a lot in my life and always make it out happier, stronger and proud of who I am.

Just have my back when I need you and simply ask me – are you okay? It’s really that simple.

 

 

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About geminilvr

I have been through many relationships in my life, most long term, and they have all shaped who I am in some way. I try to find humor through the pain and heartbreak and find the strength to do it all over again. My blog is sprinkled with past relationships, current status and thoughts on it all! I hope my experiences make you smile, laugh or cry along with me and relate to the complexity that is life, my life, perfectly imperfect.
This entry was posted in breakups, communication, life lesson, relationships, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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