I started this blog to find humor and life lessons in my past relationships. It is helping me to understand a little more about myself and maybe learn a little in the process. College was no different on my path to “higher learning.”
I attended a local college, it was all that I could really afford and my freshman year I was able to live on campus. I became friends with a group of sorority girls and also got to know the guys they hung around with. One night at a party, I was being chatted up by a guy who seemed nice and was giving me a lot of attention. We talked, kissed and began to see each other regularly. He wrestled and was smart except about one thing, drugs. About six months in and after numerous warnings from my friends, College Boyfriend One got into doing drugs, hard drugs. And then he starting selling them. He became verbally abusive and mean and as I do in many of my relationships I tried to fix him. I took a bag of his pills and flushed them down the toilet. If he could have choked me to death that night he would have. Not many people know that happened to me and I walked away from him knowing he could hurt me, physically as well as emotionally. Many nights he would come to my dorm crying and begging for me to give him another chance. I couldn’t and I wouldn’t. But in a momentary lapse of judgement I slept with him. He was my first and it was horrible. Not the act itself but the way I felt after. He was not someone I respected and loved and I hate the fact that he was my first. We kept in touch now and then and he was suspended one semester and came back the following. He ended up stealing a necklace from me and when I went to his dorm to get it back he threw me against a wall. I vowed right then and there I would never, ever let a man do that to me again and to this day I have not. Usually I try to find the humor in all my relationships but there was no humor in this one. It was a lesson learned and a hard one at that. And then there was one…
Until, College Boyfriend Two (CB2). He was friends with a couple of guys that used to hang out with me and my roommates. He was funny, goofy, cute and had a charming way about him. We had a lot of fun. He hung out with my friends, we played jokes on each other and even went to my sister’s wedding together. Everyone loved CB2. How can anything go wrong? Well one day he said that he had to go home to get some clothes, he was living illegally with his friends on campus and asked me to take a ride with him. I was pretty excited because I would get to meet his family and I really liked him. Yes, we had slept together and I can’t say it was the best but it was pretty fun. As we got to his house, he said that his Mom was home watching the next door neighbor’s five year old son. The kid seemed overly enthusiastic to see him but I figured they were neighbors so he probably saw him a lot. I thought nothing of it as we pulled away and headed back toward campus.
About a week later I was hanging out with a group of friends and one of my male friends happened to mention that he really liked CB2. I remember saying, “yeah me too.” He then proceeded to tell me that it’s great that I am ok with him having a kid. Um, hello, what? A kid? “Yeah, didn’t you meet his kid?” asked my friend. It took me awhile to recover and actually digest what was being said to me. Yeah, I guess I did meet his kid, unofficially. I had no problem with kids, none at all, but I was a junior in college and not ready to be stepmom to anyone. As you can probably guess this ended, not badly, but very strangely. I liked CB2, a lot, but to hide the fact you have a kid is a pretty big issue. We ended amicably and he ended up failing out that semester. He moved away with his kid to Pennsylvania to start a new life. I still laugh now as I recall this story. One of the funniest things was explaining to my parents what had happened. I know they always wanted grandchildren, but…
Until College Boyfriend Three (CB3). Now, there had been some short relationships in between these longer ones, but going into my senior summer I started to see a hometown guy we’ll call CB3. We started dating in May and had many mutual friends. We even went in on a shore house together. Big mistake, really big mistake. First of all the guys picked the house and it looked like a condemned building. It had bugs, no air conditioning, and was on what I believe to be a toxic swamp. Of course since CB3 and I shared the cost we had our own room. How nice, until you break up. And that we did. By end of July we had broken up and had to coordinate our living arrangements. Awkward? Yes. Really, really awkward? Yes. Let’s just say meeting someone and wanting to bring them home and your ex-boyfriend is there too doesn’t really set the mood. Eventually CB3 decided to stay away and my summer of fun actually began. I hated that house for many cosmetic reasons. You always had to sleep with one eye open but honestly it was one of the best summers of my life. So much fun, so free and I had a great tan too. The breakup sucked and it was messy, but I didn’t let it get me down. When you are 21 and can go to all the bars legally, lay on the beach all day and dance all night, life is truly good. Yes, I did work too, but I also had fun and going into my senior year of college I felt rejuvenated and happy, really happy.
Until College Boyfriend None. My senior year I dated, not really casually, but also not long-term anything and it was great. I concentrated on bringing up my GPA and graduated proudly. I was working two jobs, one on campus and one off-campus. I hung out with some great friends and just lived life with no regrets. That summer I even briefly dated a high school senior. Now before anyone goes and calls the police he was eighteen. Yes my friends constantly joked about it but you know what he was hot and why not? I wasn’t going to marry the dude. It lasted the early part of summer and again it was fun and drama free. I don’t even think we officially broke up, we just moved on.
Looking back I realize that not everyone is who they seem to be but the one person you must remain true to is yourself and your values. I’m still a work in progress and I figure I probably always will be. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.