I remember my first kiss, it was back in the 70s, and I was eleven. So innocent, young and well, awkward. I had just finished boogie boarding with a cute guy from Ohio named Billy. Sandy brown hair, freckles, and the type of tan that George Hamilton would die for. After hours, okay maybe minutes, of vigorous wave riding, we sat on the wet sand with the waves lapping at our toes. It was at that moment that he reached over to show me where a sand crab might have dug a home and whoosh, leaned in and kissed me on the lips. It wasn’t a long kiss but long enough that the first thing I did was spin my head around like Linda Blair in The Exorcist to see if my parents were watching. Thankfully, no! It probably took a moment or two to realize what happened, but after it did I was hooked and ultimately doomed. Then as quickly as that first kiss ended so did our relationship. Billy was going back to Ohio the next day. So what did we do next? Why we continued to boogie board and just waved goodbye after our parent’s summoned us that it was time to go home. And so it began, my navigating the treacherous waters of the dating world.
Fast forward many, many, many years and dating has become more complicated and less innocent. Getting a date isn’t hard, it’s maintaining a relationship that is the hardest part. Everyone puts pressure on the first kiss, on whether you have chemistry or “that feeling” that we forget that sometimes it may not be until the second or even third date or longer that you realize that this is a person you want to spend more time with.
My life story is a roller coaster of relationships, crushes, being crushed, getting back up and starting the process all over again. I am known to many as relationship girl. I do not do well at casual relationships and that is my burden, my cross to bear. Although I have had many long-term relationships I have only settled once in my life, where there was no spark, chemistry, whatever you want to call it. He was my safety net and it was disastrous forcing feelings and so unfair to him. But more on that in a later blog. All the others have had a spark, then a flame and then well, Smokey the Bear comes along and throws water on it. Fuck you Smokey and your safety rules. But those are the same flames that burn you painfully when it ends.
There have been many since that first kiss with Billy on the beach. Hmm I wonder what he is up to nowadays?