In a world where singles want to be coupled, couples want to be single again, there is one constant – everyone has advice for each other. There is no escaping it, the advice that is. And I sincerely apologize in advance to anyone that has said these words to me, but really, they are all bullshit. There are so many but I chose to focus on a few.
You need time alone to find yourself. This one makes me laugh as a forty-something. I know myself, shit, I found myself long ago. Who the fuck wants to be alone? Married people are especially good at selling that line. No offense to my coupled and married friends but really? Whenever I was in a relationship I gave the same advice and now I loathe that advice. I wouldn’t doubt that these sage words may be good advice for someone young but once you’ve stopped playing beer pong and hooking up on Tinder that advice means shit. I’m not saying you need to get married again but having someone by your side as a partner, life partner, lover, husband, wife, whatever, is nice.
Another gem – You need to love yourself. Who really, in all honesty, loves his or her self that completely? Maybe Gwyneth Paltrow and all her zen-based over-priced bullshit. I do love aspects of myself, but there are things that I don’t love about myself and you know what, that is ok too. I don’t shit fairy dust and sparkles either. We complain about our thighs, our stomachs, our noses, our butts, jobs, families, whatever, so don’t pull that you must love yourself card with me. I know the truth – most of us loathe something about ourselves and I’m guilty as charged.
One of my all-time favorites is What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. The response I have for this one is not fit to print – anywhere – I’ll just leave it at that.
Give yourself time to heal. Oh, ok so if you’re coming out of a breakup and some hot dude wants to sleep with you, say nope, need to heal. Disclaimer: Unfortunately this has not happened to me yet but if it did I’d be right on it! We all heal differently and having been through my share of relationships I don’t think anyone ever really heals – we all have baggage – some of us have duffel bags and some of us have cargo trunks.
And lastly, God only gives you what you can handle. Really? How about God stops giving you so much shit to handle at one time and ease up there a bit. A little respite would be very welcome and nice change of pace.
Advice can be comforting and is usually well meant. But I’ll take a hug over advice anytime. Just sit with me, hug me, stroke my hair and tell me it will all be ok while I cry my eyes out. That is what I really need – human touch again.