Allowing yourself to be vulnerable takes courage. Many times we put up so many walls distancing ourselves from the outside out of fear and sometimes self-preservation.
I have never been one to put up walls. I do keep many things private about myself but I have never been one to play games in a relationship. Over the many years I have been in relationships I’ve gotten all types of advice. Many times I am sure the advice I was given probably would have worked in my favor. But I can only be who I am and I am not a game player. I am just who I am. If I like you I will tell you. If I am not happy about something I will tell you as well.
I am very happy and content in my current relationship. If I had followed conventional wisdom I would have just cut my losses after he ended it with me in July and never looked back. No second or third chance. Just walk away and don’t let him know how I really felt or how much I missed him. But I couldn’t do that. It felt so right and something kept drawing us back to each other.
He doesn’t deserve you.
He’s only going to hurt you again.
How can you trust him to not do this again?
You are too forgiving.
Problem is I couldn’t let go. I kept believing in my heart that we did belong together. We have something so unique. I was always very fully aware of the hurt being with him could cause me. But I also knew that I would regret it for a very long time if I didn’t have the courage to open my heart to him again. I have never met anyone like him and he says the same about me. We are very much alike with minor differences. We can be completely silly one moment and then serious the next. We say things at the same time and we just enjoy being together. After all the time we have spent together it doesn’t get stale. I can’t wait to see him and he me.
I want to live with you. I hate the thought of not seeing you wake up next to me.
I wish you didn’t have to go home.
I’m sorry it took me so long to get here but I needed to rid myself of my past so I can be present.
It is so different this time around. He is still the same guy that I fell for, but he is different with me. In a way that I had only hoped he would be. Maybe he did need this time to sort everything out and realize that he wanted to be with me. It was a long and difficult and very painful road to get where we are – for me and in a way, him too. But I know in my heart it is worth it. No matter how much I tried to fool myself that I was over him, that I would be happy with someone else too, I just couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. And I finally believe now that he feels the same.
It took us a long time to get where we are. We’ve both experienced immense heartbreak and were losers at the game of love. I cannot predict how this will all end but I can appreciate the here and now. And I am happy that I never put up those walls that would have shut him out for good. I followed my heart and I trusted the process even when I didn’t believe it would happen. I have never met anyone like him. I cherish every conversation, every laugh, every hug, every smile, every touch, every memory we make. Life is too short to play games, to hate someone, to live with regrets.
Things may not always go as planned. The future can’t be predicted, but the present can be cherished and the past can be your lesson. Not everyone deserves a chance and not everyone in my life gets one. But I had to take this chance and I had to follow my heart, no matter what anyone thinks, because in the end it is my life, my happiness, my mistakes and my lessons to learn.
Wishing everyone a great weekend.